


Take Me Home

by Ocean_Shore



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergent, Outer Space, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:41:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25194097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ocean_Shore/pseuds/Ocean_Shore
Summary: Bellamy looked at her with wide eyes and the reality of having to leave her. He wished to be back holding her in Becca’s office, cradling her neck against his chest. She can do this, he told himself, reminding himself that she’s survived worse, but it never seemed this final to leave her.“I’ll be fine,” Clarke smiled weakly, not reaching her eyes, “but if I don’t-”“Clarke.” Bellamy’s voice cracked.“No, don’t try and stop me.”“I wasn’t going to.” He pauses. “I was just going to say… hurry. I can’t do this without you.” There were other things he should have said, Bellamy knew that. He tried to convey them with his eyes, pleading. She responded with a brief nod and took off running.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Echo, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Monty Green/Harper McIntyre
Comments: 33
Kudos: 138





	1. Chapter 1

The sky was orange, tinting everything in fear. Praimfaya loomed just minutes away. Clarke knew their salvation lied so close, but the little bit of hope she felt was dashed when Raven told her the satellite wasn’t aligned with the Ark. It had to be manually aligned and she knew it had to be her.

Having Bellamy by her side gave her strength. Despite pulling a gun on him, Clarke knew he would stand by her side no matter what. They always stood together. That is, until Murphy comes running from the tree line with the oxygenator, without Monty.

“Go,” she told Bellamy, “it’s a one-man job anyway.” Clarke knew of the danger of not making it back, and between the two of them, Bellamy deserved to live. Like she told him earlier, his heart was too big, and she had too much blood on her hands to be redeemed. She would save him even if it was the last thing she did; she would save all of them.

Bellamy looked at her with wide eyes and the reality of having to leave her. He wished to be back holding her in Becca’s office, cradling her neck against his chest. _She can do this_ , he told himself, reminding himself that she’s survived worse, but it never seemed this final to leave her.

“I’ll be fine,” Clarke smiled weakly, not reaching her eyes, “but if I don’t-”

“Clarke.” Bellamy’s voice cracked.

“No, don’t try and stop me.”

“I wasn’t going to.” He pauses. “I was just going to say… hurry. I can’t do this without you.” There were other things he should have said, Bellamy knew that. He tried to convey them with his eyes, pleading. She responded with a brief nod and took off running.

……

Clarke could see the tower within her reach. Her throat was parched and sweat was clinging to her neck under her radiation suit, but she couldn’t focus on that. One step at a time until she was on that rocket with everyone else. When Clarke finally reached her destination, her count down read twelve minutes. With a ten minute run back, she had two minutes to fix their only hope. Bellamy’s voice echoes in her head about oxymorons and only choices.

“Satellite not aligned,” a robotic voice states. “Satellite not aligned.” Clarke starts whispering frightened _no_ ’s to no one in particular. She unplugs her pack from the outlet and tries again. “Satellite not aligned.” Eleven minutes and four seconds. Fear creeps up her neck as she realizes what this means: she failed.

Unplug. Plug. Satellite not aligned. It doesn’t stop. Clarke’s knees go weak. She will never see her friends again or hold her mother in a hug. Her life will end alone in a radiation suit under the colorless sky. Clarke grabs a bar at the base of the tower and shakes it with all her anger and fear and sadness. Feet stomp the ground and gloved hands pound the electric box. She can feel the gloves tearing at the knuckles, a pebble shoots into her mask, splintering it, but she can’t bring herself to care. She will never get to tell the man she loves everything she’s felt since she landed on the ground. “Satellite aligned.”

Radiation begins seeping through the tears and searing her fair skin like acid. Upon hearing those words, it takes lost hope only seconds to return, but they are seconds she doesn’t have. Nine minutes and fifty-one seconds. Clarke abandons her pack, knowing it will serve no purpose anymore, and sprints with all the energy and spite and love in her body. _This damned planet will not kill me_.

……

Bellamy stood at the door to the rocket with two replacement oxygen tanks. He stares at the door she should have ran through ten seconds ago. “Bellamy,” Raven says lightly, “we have to go. She’s not going to make it.” He can’t do it. He can’t bring himself to buckle in and leave her behind. They have always stood by each other when it mattered.

“Please Clarke. The head and the heart,” he pleaded in a whisper, though he was sure Raven could probably hear. Tears were welling up in his eyes and vomit coming up his throat when he realized what he would have to do. She would want him to keep them alive, even if it meant sacrificing herself to do it. After what had been a lifetime from reaching the ground, _together_ seemed to finally come to an end.

“Can’t we give her just another minute?” Emori asks. He knows Raven shakes her head. Just as Bellamy turns, a stumbling Clarke bursts through the door, black blood splattered across the front of her cracked mask. Clarke’s eyes go dim and she collapses to the floor. Bellamy sprints and scoops her up, body surging with adrenaline.

Emori helps Bellamy to strap in an unconscious Clarke. The blasters fire, sending vibration into the bones of the passengers. Murphy reaches and takes Emori’s hand in his. Bellamy looks around the circular interior, realizing the chance she gave them, before doing the same to Clarke. He wanted to say it was for her benefit, but her eyes were still closed, and their gloves separated their hands, but he needed to know she was really here. To know that _together_ would continue to mean something.

Through the small window, the once beautiful Earth turned an orange wasteland shrunk beneath them. “May we meet again,” Bellamy chokes out. Two tears fall down his cheeks as he hears everyone else echo the same sentiment. He allows himself to close his eyes and take a breath and realize how close they are to surviving for a brief moment.

Everyone’s attention snaps out of their own thoughts when Clarke awakes with a gasp and coughs up sticky blood into her suit. Bellamy let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. _She’s not dead_ , he thinks in utter relief. With a shaky hand, he releases her hand in favor of resting it on the side of her head. He knows he should care that everyone is watching, but his mind has only one thought right now: Clarke.

“Hey, you’re okay. You saved us,” he smiled. Another tear falls, overwhelmed with emotion.

“We’re almost there. Everyone breathe easy. We’ll need every bit of oxygen we can get,” Raven looks at Bellamy in particular, “That means no talking.” He nods and turns back to Clarke, trying to say everything he wants to tell her through his eyes. She could always read him anyway, but he could barely see her face through the blood and duct tape attempting to seal her mask. It didn’t matter as long as she was there. She weakly squeezed his thigh. He expected her to move her hand, but she never did until they began docking.

As fast as they could, with their limited oxygen, everything began happening in a blur. Suit masks were thrown off in exchange for hand-held oxygen tanks. Monty guided Bellamy through how to install the oxygenator, trying hard to remain conscious. Murphy shared his last remaining oxygen with Raven and Emori, as they sat huddled in each other’s arms, hoping for a future that was unsure at the moment.

Bellamy flipped the switch, but no oxygen came flowing through the vents. He watched his friends take their lasts breaths. Clarke laid passed out in the middle of the corridor, face seared in burns. With one final gulp of air from his tank, Bellamy grabbed her and dragged them both to the nearest vent and prayed. He went to take in more oxygen, but when none came and his lungs begged for relief, he took one last look at Clarke, knowing he wanted her to be the last thing he saw before he shut his eyes for the last time.

……

Clarke’s body ached and screamed in pain. She was afraid if she moved, her skin would crack and she might fall apart. She knew it was the radiation. If it was like Luna’s, her body was likely covered in scaly burns. Her throat felt as if she was drinking sand, speaking, therefore, seemed impossible. Only a strangled groan came out.

Bellamy awoke with a start at the noise and quickly moved from the chair he was passed out in to kneeling at Clarke’s bedside. “Hey,” he cooed quietly. He tried to gently brush the hair from her forehead, but immediately pulled his hand away when he saw her flinch. “I- sorry. Here, I have some water.” He grabbed a small cup by her bedside and lifted it to her lips.

The cool liquid immediately soothed the pain in Clarke’s throat, but still no noise came out. She continued to sip until there was no water. So many emotions raced through her head. She didn’t know what to say. She settled on, “we made it.”

_Concise and factual. Very Clarke_ , he thought. Bellamy pulled his chair to the foot of the bed and sat. “Yeah,” he glanced at his feet and chuckled quietly, “we did.” He flashed her the brightest smile she had seen in a while.

_If this is what living up here is going to be like, it might not be so bad_ , Clarke though. They might actually be able to live without fighting for their lives. She realized it might not all be bad.

Bellamy spoke up as she was lost in thought, “I’m glad you’re awake. It’s the first time in two days. You had us all really worried.” Clarke went to slowly sit upright on her soft bed and winced in pain. “Are you sure you should be moving?” He said with worry dripping in his voice.

_It’s touching how nervous he is_ , Clarke thought. “I’m okay. Is there any more water though?” her voice gravely and worn. In a flash, as if he had completely forgotten to do such an obvious thing, he said he’d be right back and was out of the room.

Clarke finally took a moment to realize where she was. They were back in space, under completely different circumstances. No chancellor to order them, no populations to commit genocide against. The only objective up here was to survive. She looked around the room that was now hers. A few sparse items of a previous owner lined the shelves across from her, a small couch and table sat at the far end of her room, and the bed to the left of the door. Her red and black skin contrasted heavily against the white and grey metal of the Ring.

The door opened once again with Bellamy and a full glass of water, tailed by everyone else who made it up. Clarke was mildly surprised to find Echo visiting her, but she supposed there was not much else to do. Honestly, she did not think Echo would go through with the trip, but one’s beliefs can change when death is staring you down. She took the water gratefully and drank it much faster than the first, already feeling more human, although still weak.

“Oh my gosh, thank goodness you’re okay!” Harper exclaimed. Raven and Harper kept making quick comments about new things, while everyone else settled into the background and kept more or less quiet. Bellamy reclaimed his spot in his chair and just stared at her with a mix of awe and pain. Eventually, Emori suggested they let her rest, assuring everyone they had five years to harass her. Everyone filed out except Bellamy and Raven.

“You too,” Raven commanded Bellamy, “you’ve hardly slept. She’s fine.” Clarke felt awkward being talked about as if she wasn’t there. “If you’re so worried, I’ll stay here. Go.” He knew there was no arguing with Raven.

Just as he was at her door, Clarke offered a soft, “good night, Bellamy.”

“Good night, Clarke.”

Raven was positioning herself on the sofa with her legs stretched across the length. “Thank god! I didn’t think he’d ever leave. How are you doing?”

“Would you believe me if I said good?”

Raven chuckled. “Not at all. Get some more rest. I’ll be here if you need me.” Clarke closed her eyes and was immediately whisked off into dreamless sleep.

……

Refreshed by the fact that Clarke had woken up for so long the day before, Bellamy was finally able to muster up his appetite. He hears Echo talking to Emori in Trigedasleng, but focuses instead on eating quickly so he could relieve Harper of “Clarke duty”.

“Woah, slow down there. It sure would be a shame if you couldn’t stare at Clarke all day,” Murphy says, pretending to hide a smirk that was growing on his lips. Anger boils in Bellamy’s veins and he abruptly stands up to stare at him. _I just want to make sure she’s okay_. Murphy takes another bite nonchalantly, as if waiting for some big show. Bellamy isn’t going to give it to him and storms down the hall.

He manages to calm down during the walk to her room and knocks on Clarke’s door. There was blood dried on the side of her face and on the floor. It hurt him to see her go through this. _She was willing to risk her life for us and this is the repayment she gets_.

"Hey,” Harper whispered so as not to wake the sleeping girl. She saw him staring at the blood, “yeah, she’s been coughing it up. If she starts choking, roll her on her side and she’ll be fine. I think she’s doing better.” She did, Bellamy noticed. The burns on her arms were not as angry and cracked. Some on her face had even receded, leaving just patches of scaly skin. “And Bellamy, she’ll be fine. She always is.” The door clicked behind her.

Bellamy grabbed his face with both hands and sighed. This is not how he ever saw his life going. Seeing Clarke like this made him long for the days of the dropship, where innocence was all over her face, but she was still the strongest person he knew. This Clarke looked hardened and pained, although he supposed both were true. The one thing he knew despite all of this was that he loved her.

She had been sleeping for over nineteen hours. He doubts he’s ever seen her stay in one place for that long. Taking a risk, he reaches up and gingerly brushes her hair out of her face and dabs at the blood on her cheek with a damp rag, before settling into his own sleep in his chair. He can almost pretend she is just sleeping and not trying to fight death off with her bare hands.

……

Bellamy laid in bed, rubbing his wrists absentmindedly and staring at the ceiling. It had been another full day and Clarke still laid in her bed, looking mildly corpse-like in his mind. But she would be okay, if the way her burns were healing were any indication.

He knew he should try to sleep, but he did not anticipate a good night’s rest. Memories of earth were flashing in his mind: whipping Lincoln with a strap, massacring an army, pulling the lever at Mount Weather, and any other haunting thoughts. He had come to terms with most of them, even forgiven himself for a few, but it didn’t make it any less daunting to relive the lowest points in his life. Now that there was nothing to push away the memories, nothing more important to focus on, there was no distraction.

In attempts to relive other memories, he thought of Octavia. The girl who once hid under the floor, now ruling the bunker. It was fitting he thought. He thought of playing leapfrog with her and hopping around the small apartment, remembered the small doll he traded going to bed hungry a week for, saw the genuine smile on her face when she was free on the ground to no longer cower in the shadows. Bellamy was so proud of his little sister. He just wished he could tell her that.

……

Clarke’s head pounded as the soft light in her room assaulted her eyes. Weakly, she sat up, her body sore from lack of movement and skin still stinging from Earth. Slowly, Clarke padded down the hall to where she heard soft clangs.

Raven sat at a table she had moved into a large open space and had pieces of scrap metal scattered on top of it. “Hey,” she said, distinctly not paying attention to who had entered her presence.

“Hey.”

“Clarke!” her head shot up from the work she was so engrossed in just moments before. “Welcome back to the land of the living,” a small smirk curving at her lips, amusing herself at her joke.

“Do you know what time it is?” Clarke ignores her jab.

Returning back to her metal, Raven responds, “sometime in the middle of the night I suppose. Everyone went to bed hours ago.” Clarke sits at the head of the table. “They’ll probably want to know that you’re up, but I’ll spare you the commotion.” Clarke offhandedly picks up a piece of scrap in front of her, looking it over for nothing in particular. Raven picks up her sentence and winks, “as long as you promise to shower before they get up.”

……

Clarke felt better, more human, after a shower. The warm water stung her still-sensitive skin, but blood no longer caked her skin and her hair wasn’t greasy. The clothes Raven gave her were clean and soft. From inside her room, she heard chairs squeak and voices down the hall, telling her the others were up and about.

She stood at the edges of the space simply watching everyone immersed in their own conversations with each other. A slight smile tugged at her lips at the sight of her friends, and people she hoped would be.

Bellamy found Clarke’s eyes and he stood up in surprise, alerting everyone else to her presence. They waited for her to come to the table, and Harper soon jumped to her feet to help her over, despite Clarke’s protests. She saw Murphy roll his eyes and gruffly tug Bellamy’s shirt to tell him to sit down and Echo watched them both curiously. Clarke felt the same confusion.

“Ration bar?” Monty offered.

“No thanks. I’m not sure I could keep it down.” The rest of the morning conversation was spent regaling Clarke tales of what they had done when she was recovering. Monty had mixed his algae, Echo had kicked Murphy’s ass for a snide comment, and Raven had found a half empty bottle of whiskey, to be kept for a special occasion she promised.

All throughout the stories and laughter, Bellamy remained silent, never taking his eyes off Clarke. She began to worry something was wrong, but when she glanced over, he simply smiled and she knew it was sincere. His closest friend was back. They survived; now they focus on living.


	2. Chapter 2

Bellamy knew he should say something, to tell her how glad he is that she’s doing better, but he can’t bring himself to form the words. Her hair was damp and gentle waves were settled on her shoulders. He could only watch her take in the stories being told with bright eyes and let it warm his heart.

  
In the middle of Emori expressing how she wished she could pilot like Raven, Clarke’s eyes found his own. They were tinged with worry and confusion. He calmed them with a toothless smile. The voices began to fade away and they found themselves talking with their faces.

  
_I’m glad you’re feeling better_ , he expressed.

  
_It’s good to see you again_ , she sent back.

  
_It’s strange being up here_.

  
_I don’t know_ , she gave a small shrug only he noticed, _I think it might be nice._

  
A fist meets his upper arm. He realized Clarke was not the only one talking to him. “Hello? Earth to Bellamy?” Bellamy shifts to face Raven who is standing beside him.

  
“What?”

  
“As I was saying, we should get a move on. I need your help holding up that panel so I can get to the wiring.” She strides out the door, obviously meaning for him to follow. Although reluctant to leave his silent conversation, he follows suit.  
……  
During her radiation induced sleep, Clarke noticed everyone had already found a place. They had a routine and the days passed as normal. However, as Clarke sat and watched people go about their business around her, it dawned on her: she had no purpose. Her purpose had always been to survive and keep her people safe, but both were accomplished. There was air in their lungs and bed to sleep in, so what does the commander of death do when there is no one to kill? Clarke thought about visiting Raven, but knew she gets annoyed if people bother her when she’s working, so she settled on seeing how Monty’s algae is doing.

Clarke knocked twice on Monty and Harper’s open door before stepping in. Bottles and jars of green were stacked along a wall. “What’s up, Clarke? Can I help you?”

  
“No. I just wanted to check on you. You know, and see how the algae farm is going.” She took a seat at his table.

  
He perked up at getting to talk about his plants. “Raven and Emori are going to try to rig up a system to help speed up the growth. We might even be eating it in two months!” Clarke rolled her eyes and laughed, “Well don’t look too excited,” Monty chastised her.

  
The boy returned to clearing shelves and shuffling in his quarters, while Clarke picked at her cuticles, desperate to have something to do. He turns to her before sitting in the chair across her. “I know what you’re doing Clarke,” her brows furrowed in confusion. “You want to feel needed, need something to do, right?”

  
“Yes,” she admitted dejectedly.

  
“Just breathe Clarke. You’ll find your place… but it’s not here.” She was taken aback at his abruptness. His tone was kind, but the words and implication blunt.  
“I-”

  
“If you want to come visit, I won’t turn down your company, but what you’re searching for… well, it’s not what’s growing in those jars.” Clarke nods briskly and exits the room, afraid of what her reaction would be.

  
Stalking down the halls, she knew he was right. Monty always had a way of being wise beyond his years. It wasn’t the need to be helpful, it was the need to forget everything that was on her mind and find out who she was when she wasn’t fighting. She wasn’t the same as when she lived on the Ark, but she wasn’t Wanheda anymore either.

  
In an attempt to keep from sitting still, she decided to try and compile an inventory, letting her thoughts wander as she did. She started at the very far corridor, scanning the halls for something dropped by a forgetful child or unknowingly abandoned in passing. Clarke tries to shake away the difficult thoughts before giving in.

She thinks about her mother and fears the bunker didn’t hold. _I never got to say goodbye_. The weight is too much to bear and she lowers herself to sit against the cool metal wall. _I was willing to let the man she loves die so Bellamy could live_. She could feel the heavy weight of the gun in her hand just days before. How lost and pathetic did she have to be to save herself. No, her people she corrected. They needed engineers and farmers, so it was only logical. It just so happened the most important people to her were also safe, locked underground. Of course, it was Bellamy, though, who had to do the right thing. The only person she could never sacrifice. _I pulled a gun on him_. She finally remembered everything that had been a blur. She knew he had forgiven her not soon after in the rover, but she would never be able to forgive herself.  
……  
Sleep didn’t come to Bellamy that night. After tossing and turning, he eventually gave up and went padding around the Ring, looking for distraction. He found Clarke sitting in Earth Monitoring Station, staring out the large observation window.

  
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, announcing his presence behind her.

  
“Too many demons,” Clarke jokes over her shoulder, only Bellamy knows it’s not completely untrue. He comes to join her on the bench. The planet so many miles away seems utterly foreign. It’s not the Earth they learned about in school or the Earth where they went swimming or he learned to hunt. They sit in silence and stare at the barren wasteland they once called home.

  
“What did the human race have to do so that we destroyed Earth twice?”

  
Without missing a beat, Clarke answers, “exist,” with a dark chuckle.

  
Bellamy chances a glance at the beautiful girl next to him. He sees only a few patches of burns and she looks more like herself. Without her up here in space, he begins to think of how it would have broken him. He decides to tell her so. “Thank you.”

  
She looks at him in confusion, “for what?”

  
“For making it back… I meant what I said down there; I don’t think I could’ve done this without you. Hell, even when I knew you were safe, I couldn’t stop worrying.” Bellamy looks into her eyes, tears beginning to well up at the truth of it and remembering the day he thought he had to leave her behind.

  
Clarke grabs Bellamy’s large calloused hand in hers. It was warm and comforting, just like him. He starts rubbing his thumb along her skin without thinking. It gave Clarke the strength that she needed to admit the truth. “I almost didn’t.” He stopped abruptly, waiting for an explanation on how she could leave him when he couldn’t imagine a world without her. “The satellite wouldn’t align. I failed.” He saw a tear fall down her cheek and wanted to swipe it away, to save her from her pain, but he let her finish. “I followed all the steps, but nothing worked. I thought I was going to die out there,” she pauses, “alone. That’s why I was late… I bear it so they don’t have to.” Tears began silently streaking her cheeks, but her face remained stony.

  
Bellamy had no words that could convey everything he felt, so instead, he pulled Clarke gently into his arms, careful to avoid her burns, and held her against his chest. He wanted to tell her it was all in the past and it doesn’t do good to dwell on the past, but he’s just as guilty. His body would have to tell her everything he wanted to say. Clarke held on just as tight, wrapping her arms around Bellamy’s toned waist, thinking he might disappear if she let go. Eventually, the grips loosened and Clarke settled in to lean against his left side with his arm over her shoulder. It felt like home and she never wanted to leave. They didn’t need a leader or a warrior up here. Clarke felt she had no place, but she knew she would always have a place with Bellamy by his side.

  
Bellamy kept his eyes forward, head leaning on Clarke’s. They sat there for a time, watching the orange planet below. Sleep finally began to pull on the edges of Clarke’s consciousness. “Clarke? Can I ask you a question?” She hummed in approval. “What were you going to say back on the ground, before I cut you off?” Clarke pulled back, no longer half-asleep.

  
She thought he had forgotten. “Nothing. It was nothing.” She stood up. “I’m going to go to bed. Good night.” Her feet carried her to her room. She could have told him, but he was searching for an answer she was not ready to give. It was something she knew she should have said a long time ago, but Earth had a way of making other things important. She knew that if he had not stopped her, she would have told him how she’s been in love with him since as long as she can remember.

  
Clarke wanted to tell him. It had weighed on her heart since she pulled the lever at the dropship and realized how fragile mortality truly was. But now that they were both safe, last words didn’t need to be said. _I would lose him if he knew_ , she deduced, afraid of losing her closest friend to awkward emotions. _He doesn’t feel the same_. So hearts would stay caged and words would remain unsaid for the sake of friendship.  
……  
It was late in the morning when Bellamy woke up and he could hear Monty rearranging bottles quite noisily a few doors down. He rubbed his eyes as last night’s conversation with Clarke came back to him in pieces.

  
After her abrupt departure, he sat in the Earth Monitoring Station for what felt like hours going over what he had done to make her leave. Clarke was falling asleep against him and he had never felt more calm that with her tucked under his arm. Her breathing had started to even out and Bellamy knew she was starting to fall asleep. He wished she would have. He would have stayed there for a while before scooping her up and placing her in her own bed, maybe even daring a kiss on her forehead. They had always had a different relationship; they understood what the other was going through. That’s why he hoped that maybe, that was what she was going to say back on the ground. That she liked him as well. He never envisioned his question making her so prickly and leaving his side last night.

  
Bellamy joined the others in the main area. He looked around and saw everyone except a certain blonde. Had his question really caused her to react like this? What could have been so devastating that it could only be said in the face of death? Trying to push last night out of his mind, he grabbed a ration bar and sat down with Raven and Emori. He ran his hand through his hair, still wet from his shower, and took a listless bite. The metal all around casting an even drearier outlook than usual on his day.

  
“What’s wrong with you, Blake?” Raven had broken off her conversation to look at him incredulously. “You look like you hardly slept at all.”

  
“Rough night. That’s all.”

  
Murphy piped up from across the room. “Are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with the girl who plays God? I swear I could practically hear you crying all night,” he feigns a frown and drags a finger down his face to imitate a tear, whimpering. “How sad it must be to remember everything you’ve done to each other-”  
“Shut up, Murphy” Bellamy growled, eyes alit with fire.

  
“- to remember all the reasons she wouldn’t like you.”

  
“John,” Emori said warningly, finally earning Bellamy a reprieve. It was true, though, when he thinks back. It was one of them hurting the other, forgiving, and then doing it all again. Yet, through it all, he knew he was better with her. He just wished life never pushed them to the situations they did. A large gulp of water pushed his thought away.

  
Raven stood up and pulled Bellamy with her, surprisingly strong for her frame. “We’ve got work to do. Let’s go.” She shoots Emori an indecipherable look. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Emori slap Murphy upside the head.  
……  
“Careful!” Raven shouted angrily inside the walls when she heard the siding creak loudly. She laid on her back with only her legs visible. “Bellamy if you drop this hunk of metal on me, I will float you.” Bellamy apologized, but his mind was elsewhere. He held up the cold siding in his hand, adjusting every few minutes when it got too heavy.

  
“So, what do you think of the Ring? Does it feel like home yet?”

  
Bellamy shook his head, even though Raven couldn’t see. “I doubt it ever will. I’ve never really been alone up here, and I was always anxious hiding Octavia from certain death so-“ his words trailed off, unsure what to say next.

  
Raven shot out on her wheeled dolly, “you’re really saying you’re alone? What does that make us, huh?” She nudged his leg playfully.

  
“I just mean it’s different.”

  
“Is that where your mind has been the past few days?” She seemed to have a knowing glint in her eye, one that always appeared when she was messing with him.  
Immediately, Clarke, who he’d been trying so hard not to think about was back on his mind. He concisely said, “no,” hoping Raven wouldn’t press. She didn’t look appeased. “I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

  
“Why don’t you ask Murphy to read you a bedtime story. I bet he’d gladly oblige you,” and with that, she shot back into the wall headfirst. Soon, quiet sparks were the only sound in the hallway.  
……  
Clarke absolutely was not going to think about how rash she acted last night. Despite being overrun by fatigue, she woke up early in order to avoid Bellamy. She couldn’t imagine looking into his face and seeing how she hurt him. It was better this way, she decided. _We’re just friends_ , she reminds herself as she continues her mission of inventory. So far, there had been little to show except a half-used notepad and a few small trinkets, some worn articles of clothing, and drawer full of short love-letters. The drawer was most definitely not helping her forget about Bellamy.

  
Moving on from one of the residential hallways, she found herself in the public sector. Clarke knew the first place she would go. The pad next to the door flashed green and the door slid open. It was Jaha’s code, secretly discovered by Wells so Clarke could access the room any time, instead of the allotted time slots for her sector. They would meet every day to play chess in the rec room. It still laid on their favorite table.

  
The room was not large by any means. It was one room with tables and chairs and a few couches. Shelves lined one wall with various games and toys for young children. She through the door on the left was the media room and to the right was the library, but her eyes never left the chess set. Clarke didn’t mourn Wells, at least not anymore. He might still be alive if he wasn’t so selfless, but there was no going back. _It’s better this way. He never saw what I became_.

  
Clarke took the seat she always sat in and blew the dust off the chess set. She picked up the black rook, which he always stubbornly claimed was the most valuable piece, and traced her finger over it. Her quiet chuckle at that memory reverberated against the metal walls. It was like living with ghosts she decided. The people she once saw every day and laughed with in classes, now dead or trapped in the bunker. Her friends were all she had. Instead of reminiscing over old memories, she decided to go make new ones.

  
She marched down to where everyone gathered, the hub she decided to name it, and announced “I found a chess set.” Confused eyes met her determined ones.

  
“Congratulations?” Echo questioned.

  
“Who wants to play?” Much to her surprise, Murphy stood up.

  
“Yeah, sure, why not? I have no idea how to, though.”

  
“It doesn’t matter,” Clarke smiled, mildly surprised. Maybe her plan would be a success after all.

  
Clarke and Murphy returned to the rec room and turned on the flickering lights. “God, if Raven doesn’t fix these lights, I’m going to lose it,” Murphy complained. He sat at the table and began picking up the pieces and placing them all along the board. Clarke slapped his hand and returned them to their place.

  
“It’s not like you’re doing anything to help.”

  
“I’m offering moral support.”

  
“No, I’m pretty sure that’s what Bellamy is doing,” Clarke snapped a little more forceful that she anticipated, mildly jealous of Raven and Bellamy’s developing friendship. Murphy sensed her tension and returned to the game.

  
“So how does this work?”

  
Clarke set into explaining the rules of each piece, correcting him when he always messed up the bishop with the queen. After some time had passed, Murphy remembered most of the rules and began to even show mild interest. He made his move and looked Clarke directly in the eyes, visibly stiffer.

  
“Clarke, I have a question.”

  
“Uh- okay? About the game?” She knows it wasn’t. Clarke moved her rook.

  
“It’s about when we were in the bunker,” she swallowed. Murphy’s attention returned to the board. “I know you usually make a decision, but then go be all _Clarke_ about it and do the right thing,” he waved his arms around and then interrupted himself, “the knight goes in an L right?” Clarke nods. “I was just wondering what would have happened if Bellamy never made it to the door?”

  
“Check.”

  
“Would you have opened it anyway in the end?” He looked genuinely curious.

  
Clarke took a beat to think, but deep down she knew. Her mouth was suddenly dry. “I want to say I would’ve done the right thing, but…” her head hung, “but no. I don’t think I would’ve.” She thought of Bellamy.

  
Murphy moved his piece so Clarke could checkmate. She had an inkling he hadn’t anticipated nor wanted the game to go any longer. “Well, even if it’s not how it turned out, thank you. Emori finally felt safe and I wanted that for her. I guess she still is, just not how we imagined.” He stood up and went for the door.

  
“You really like her, don’t you?”

  
“Yeah,” he ducked his head a little as a soft blush crept up his cheeks, “but don’t go thinking I have feelings or anything.”

  
“Your secret is safe with me.”

  
With his hand on the doorknob, Murphy says, “and Clarke, talk to Bellamy. I don’t know what happened yesterday, but he looked miserable this morning. You mean a lot to him. It’s kind of annoying really.” With that he was gone, leaving Clarke to digest his parting words. Maybe there was hope for them after all.  
……  
It was late in the evening, according to the clock hanging in the hub that she found during inventory a few days earlier. That had become Clarke’s routine. She didn’t know what would come afterwards when everything had been accounted for. _A problem for future Clarke_ , she told herself. Most people had gone to sleep or at least to their respective bedrooms, but Clarke sat out at the table, staring at what was in front of her.

  
Ever since she snapped at Bellamy, things had been off between them. They would pass in the halls and avoid each other’s eyes. She would offer him half her ration bar and he would just get up, get his own, and sit on the other side of the table instead of next to her. It was awkward and most definitely not right. It was her fault and she was going to fix it.

  
She gently stroked the spine of the pale green book. It was worn, but not like some of the more popular books. This one was worn from age, not use. Willing up her nerve, she made her way to the door next to hers. Clarke considered waking Bellamy to give it to him, but he hasn’t looked well recently. Instead, she gently inched the door open until she could sneak in and was about to set it on his desk with a small note that read, _We’ve been on enough adventures._ _Let’s read about someone else’s for a change -C_.

  
Quiet, frantic breathing came from his bed. Clarke turned around to look at him. His forehead was riddled with cold sweat and his brows were knitted together. She wanted to wake him up, but even rough sleep is better than none. Sometimes nightmares are better than the thoughts you fill your head with. She knew that as well as anyone. When Clarke went to set the book down, she lost her balance and the chair that caught her weight screeched in protest.

  
Bellamy woke with a start, panting like he was running for his life. His wide eyes calmed when he saw it was just Clarke, but it was soon confusion that filled them. “Clarke? What are you doing in here?”

  
She had hidden the book behind her back and was going to leave, but changed her mind in a split-second decision. Cautiously, as though she might frighten him with her gift, she brought the thick book out and passed it to him with both hands. “I just- sorry for the other day when I snapped at you. I figured this might be a peace offering.” Her eyes seemed to search quickly for an answer.

  
Bellamy traced the golden, etched words “The Iliad” with feather light touched. For an instant, he forgot about Clarke until she took his awe as anger. “I’m sorry I should go. Enjoy your book,” sadness wrought in her voice.

  
He was startled out of his thoughts, “wait.” Her hand was just grasping the door handle as she froze. “Have you ever read this?”

  
Clarke chuckled. “It’s probably the only one I haven’t.”

  
“Stay.” It was a request more than a command and Clarke felt her blood pump faster through her body. Her heart fluttered and her pulse quickened. Bellamy scooted closer to the wall and pat the spot next to him. She gave in and climbed into the bed next to him. Clarke left a safe amount of space. _He just wants to share this with me. It’s nothing more_. However, when he laid down and snaked his arm under her neck, she froze in surprise.

  
Bellamy flipped through the book until he landed on a chapter about a quarter in. “Book 5,” he began. Clarke didn’t move, afraid it was all a dream. This wasn’t what they did. They fought battles together and made war alliances. They didn’t read in bed together. It was all new territory.

  
Bellamy shifted, moving closer to Clarke’s small body and it only took an instant for her to relax into his presence. He laid on his back with the book close to his chest so he could read. With his right hand, he nudged her against his chest and she tucked her head gingerly on his shoulder. The butterflies she felt earlier were quickly replaced with peace.

  
Clarke could care less what he was reading, just that it was Bellamy that was saying the words. At first, she kept her arms tucked at her chest, but as they both grew more comfortable, she grew bold and stretched an arm across his torso, slowly, memorizing the feel through his thin t-shirt. His voice was thick like honey and wrapped around her. The words rumbled in his chest and Clarke could feel everyone single one. She closed her eyes and just surrounded herself with Bellamy, memorizing everything. She never wanted to leave.

  
Just as Clarke felt herself drifting into sleep, Bellamy closed the book and sighed deeply. He turned his head until his nose was just above the crown of her head. “Thank you, Clarke.”

  
It felt like heartbreak to sit up from his embrace, but he looked content and he needed the rest. So she steeled her emotions away and the hurt of realizing this may never happen again for him. With a fake smile pasted on her face, Clarke bid him good night. She hoped he sleeps, but knew it’s impossible for her. Her face hurts from smiling at the memories of the day she kept reliving in her head, thinking they might be worth of a fairy tale all their own.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, things had gone back to normal between Clarke and Bellamy. The rest of the Arkers could finally relax. Weeks passed and routine was set. Bellamy would steal glances when Clarke wasn’t looking and Clarke would get that glint in her eye when they shared an inside joke. All was well until the first batch of algae.

Monty came lugging a bucket of green goop with a giant smile pasted on his face. His excitement and pride were nearly palpable. “Who’s ready for dinner?” When he set the bucket on the table, the liquid splashed up the sides, emanating a strong acidic smell.

“There’s no way I’m eating that,” Raven scoffed.

“Technically you’re drinking it,” Echo said matter-of-factly. Everyone paused at her dry attempt at humor, although Clarke was sure she saw Monty’s lips turn up a little.

Monty dished up small bowls and passed them around. No one made a move to eat first. “Well, here goes nothing,” Clarke lifts her bowl up to her mouth, but before she drank, Murphy downed his serving quickly, gagging loudly afterwards. Everyone’s eyes grew wide, waiting to see what happened.

“If anything happened to the golden girl over here,” he gestures sarcastically to Clarke, “I don’t want to be around to hear Bellamy bitch abo-“ Murphy’s breathing gets tight and labored, before he blacked out seconds later. His body lay limp on the floor and Clarke sprung into motion, checking his pulse, breathing, and responses. Aside from Emori, who kneeled to Murphy’s right side, shaking, everyone remained expressionless in their seats. They were paralyzed by what had just occurred. It could have been any of them.

“He’s stable,” Clarke said stoically to Emori.

“Then why isn’t he waking up!” Her quavering voice echoed off the walls of the hub.

“He’s in a coma.” There was no need to mince words. They all knew it. Monty ran out of the room, whispering how it was all his fault, as Harper chased after him.

“Well fix it! Do something!” Emori was quickly losing her temper and poked Clarke pointedly in the chest, backing her up against the wall.

“I-“ Clarke paused, guilt wrought it her voice, “I can’t.” Her head hung dejectedly.

Without warning, the skin on Clarke’s cheek stung as Emori’s knuckles hit her. “This is all your fault,” she bit out before Echo pulled her away. “It should have been you,” she screamed down the hall. Naturally, Clarke believed her.

……

Clarke sat on her bed with her legs crossed and back up against the wall. Her eyes met the wall across from her blank faced. Emori’s words rang on repeat. Gently, she banged her head against the wall behind her. A knock came from the door so quietly Clarke thought she might have imagined it until a second, more insistent knock hit her door.

“Come in.”

The door squeaked open with Bellamy standing in the doorway. He was large in the small opening, dressed in loose sweats and a t-shirt. _How does he always look so good_? Clarke let her head fall back again in exasperation.

“Hey,” she said expressionless.

“You busy?”

Clarke rolled her eyes, “I’m in the middle of my evening self-loathing, but I can probably squeeze you in.” Bellamy came and took a seat next to her and rested his hand on her thigh in solidarity.

“You sound like Murphy,” Bellamy chuckled, but quickly realized it was the wrong thing to say. Clarke turned her head to look him in the eyes. He gasped quietly. “Clarke, your cheek…” He brought a large hand up to run his thumb along the cut on her cheekbone, but left it there. Clarke bit her cheek at the initial sting, but soon felt herself leaning into the warmth slightly, taking solace in Bellamy’s presence.

“It’s nothing. Just a scratch.”

“It looks really deep. Are you sure?”

“Who’s the doctor here?” Clarke joked. She set her hand atop his for a second before bringing it down to her lap. Both hands clasped his together as they looked at each other, exchanging silent words as they always could.

“Emori is really sorry. She just kind of lost it. Murphy is one of the few people who really gets her. She doesn’t want to lose him.” He pauses before quietly adding, “I get it.” Octavia, Clarke thought, but hoped he might have meant her as well.

“He told me he loves her.”

Bellamy was more than shocked. His eyebrows shooting up to prove it. “He told you that?”

“We played chess and he mentioned it. They finally felt safe together – don’t tell him I told you that – and I ruined it.”

Bellamy’s hand gripped hers tighter and he leaned in for emphasis. “None of this is your fault. How could you have known?”

“I couldn’t have but-“

“Exactly.”

“-but I could have been the one to try it. I was going to, but then he drank it first.” Clarke sighed and looked at their hands, still in her lap. When she looked back up, Bellamy’s eyes were soft and understanding.

“It’s not your cross to bear. It would have been you in a coma and that wouldn’t help anyone.”

Clarke couldn’t help it and snapped. “It’s not like I’m a help otherwise! All I ever do is wander around the ring!” Bellamy just watched her and waited. She quieted her voice to a normal level and continued. “Raven’s got her projects, Monty’s got his algae, even you and Echo have begun training together. And what do I have? Nothing… Emori was right. It should have been me. I bear it so they don’t have to.”

Bellamy opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but changed his mind. His thumb slowly rubbed over Clarke’s pulse to calm her as he thought. “It would have been someone. But Murphy’s a cockroach remember? He always survives.” The corners of Bellamy’s lips turn up and he nudges her knee.

“I suppose.” Wanting to stop talking about her, she changed the subject. “You brought your book,” she stated.

“Oh,” he turned his attention the thick book next to him, as if it had slipped his mind. “Yeah, I figured you might want a distraction. It was always my way of getting out of my head.” He took his hand that was in Clarke’s hands and raked it through his hair. Clarke’s eyes followed it vividly. “Do you-“ his question still hung in the air, but Clarke nodded strongly.

Bellamy settled against the wall and Clarke laid down in a ball by his legs. He flipped to another random section in the book, Clarke figured he always choose his favorites, and began reading. His voice was calming and Clarke could push away the day, at least temporarily, as she listened. As her various positions soon became uncomfortable, she would shift around on her mattress. Eventually, Bellamy placed a finger in the page and looked down at her.

“You can lay your head in my lap – if you want, that is,” he says rather meekly. Clarke was most definitely going to take him up on that offer. She scooted up to place her head on his thigh and looked up at him. When Clarke had settled, Bellamy began his reading once more.

Clarke had long since stopped paying attention to the book in favor of watching him. She saw how his hair hung off his forehead, much longer than when they arrived. She saw how his nostrils flared ever so slightly when he spoke and how his lips would form the words. She watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. Even when her limbs became stiff in one position, Clarke wasn’t going to move. Her heart swelled as she realized everything she wanted with Bellamy. She wanted peace and safety and a purpose, but most importantly, she wanted him.

Bellamy finished his chapter and set the book down to the side and looked down at her with a smile. “Did you like it?” His eyes twinkled, awaiting her opinion.

“Oh… I don’t know,” Clarke said, feigning disinterest. “It’s no Pride and Prejudice.”

“We’ll have to read that next time.” Clarke’s heart jumped a beat. _Next time_? There was going to be a next time.

“Next time,” she assured him with a smile. She waited for him to tell her good night and make a move for the door, but instead they sat in silence. They were completely comfortable just being with each other.

“Where did that saying come from? ‘I bear it so they don’t have to’? I’ve heard you say it a few times.” Bellamy said quietly, afraid to break the calm atmosphere they had created in the past hour or so.

Clarke waited, debating whether or not to tell him. “Lexa.” He stiffened a little under her head.

“Of course, it was,” his jaw twitched. “I never liked her.”

“Yeah, I know. Your distain for her was not subtle,” Clarke couldn’t hold back a quick laugh. He broke eye contact with her and stared ahead. His jaw relaxed a bit and his stare went from icy to completely open. Clarke looked up in his eyes and could see how emotional he was. She rarely ever saw him this way. Neither of them had ever talked so freely about their past.

“It’s just- you were different around her. She put you in bad positions or screwed you over and now this. She makes you think that you have to take care of everyone.” He grabbed her hand she had resting on her stomach. “I was so mad when you stayed with her after Mount Weather. After what she did. We could’ve gone home.” His brown eyes swimming with unshed tears finally met Clarke’s and her heart broke. She reached her hand up to cradle his cheek, feeling the slight stubble on his cheek. He leaned into it hard and Clarke felt a silent tear under her thumb.

“I thought I loved her. Looking back maybe it was love, or maybe it was just the circumstances.” It was nothing like what Clarke felt for Bellamy, though. “But Lexa taught me things… she made me part of who I am… and then she died. Everyone I love dies. So she was right. I bear everything for everyone so they can be happy. If I focus on my people, then I won’t have to focus on every bad decision I’ve made.” She paused. “Like leaving you, Bellamy. Every time.”

“We’re both guilty of that. We did what we thought it was right for our people. I forgave you long ago.” It had never taken much. He was mad, but would eventually see her fighting by his side again and remember why he loved her.

“We really are a mess,” she chuckled darkly. “What do we do now that we don’t have a people? It’s just us.”

Bellamy stroked her hair sincerely. “Then I guess we have to focus on finding out who we are.”

Clarke finally sat up and pat the book, “Well that’s easy cause I already know who you are. A huge nerd.” Bellamy laughed.

“If I’m a nerd, then you’re an old woman. I mean, who plays chess?” The atmosphere was now lighter as they joked with each other like childhood friends.

“You take that back!” She punched his arm. “I’ll get you to play one day. Even Murphy liked it.”

“Liked it,” Bellamy mimicked with air quotes. Clarke yawned widely while she jabbed him in the ribs. Bellamy took it as a sign to go. He stood and paused by the door with Clarke close behind.

Before he headed for his own bed, he turned around and wrapped Clarke in a mind-numbingly tight hug, but Clarke didn’t mind one bit. It was one where she could feel every inch of his body pressed against hers. She hugged back just as hard, interlocking her hands at his lower back. Bellamy’s hand traced up her back and stayed on the back of her neck. With muffled words, Bellamy spoke into Clarke’s hair. “And about what you said earlier – when you said, ‘what do I have?’ – me. You have me. Always.”

……

It had been two weeks since Murphy had made a snarky comment or rolled his eyes. He laid motionless in his bed. Machines and other medical equipment littered his room, along with the consistent addition of Emori by his bedside. Despite her room being next door, she insisted on sleeping on the floor, “in case something happens,” she argued. Nothing ever did.

Clarke would come in to replace the saline bags or run tests. Once, Bellamy stood in the doorway, waiting for her so they could go work out together. Raven passed behind him and elbowed him in the arm.

“Ow! What the hell, Raven.”

She pointed her eyebrows at Emori. “Remind you of anyone?” Bellamy shoved her in the direction she was going and he could hear her laugh. He could have sworn he caught a slight blush creep up the backside of Clarke’s neck. But he knew Raven was right. He knew exactly how Emori felt. The fear of not knowing if they’re okay or when they’ll wake up. Seeing someone you love trapped in their own body is its own form of torture.

Echo had offered to sit with Emori occasionally, but she rarely ever said anything. She might ask if anything has changed in Murphy’s condition or if Emori missed the ground, but she usually just sat and watched. Echo had been making a slow effort in fitting in with everyone else, but normally just by being in the same area, making them aware of her presence. She had invited Bellamy to train three weeks ago and she was working to teach him Azgeda hand-to-hand combat. Clarke had to dress multiple cuts from these sessions, much to her fussing and dismay.

“Bellamy, if you’re just going to keep getting hurt, why do it.”

“If I had that attitude. Princess, I never would have survived on the ground. No pain, no gain.” Clarke groaned and finished wrapping a fresh bandage on his stitches.

Despite life going on and friendships developing, mealtimes were quiet. The new batch of algae was just as disgusting, but not deadly. There was always a tension in the air whenever they had to try a new strain. They were all very aware of the empty seat at the table and the lack of sarcastic comments.

Emori would go sit and tell Murphy about her day. She would tell him if someone made a funny joke, or if she learned something new. She missed her best friend. Clarke walked in to check his blood pressure one evening to find Emori snuggled up to his side with her arm around his torso, her head pillowed on her chest, breathing evenly. If she looked closely, Clarke thought she saw tear stains on his shirt. _His blood pressure will be fine for one night_ , she decided and let them sleep. That’s what she would want.

“I know we said we were gonna be our own clan, just you and me, but I gotta say, I’m growing kind of fond of these guys,” Emori says to a still Murphy one evening. “Don’t worry though, it’s always going to be us against the world.” She squeezes his hand and to her surprise, he squeezes back. Her heart jumps to her throat and she’s looking for any sign of movement. “John?” Her voice grows louder as she looks expectantly at his face. “John can you hear me?”

He makes a noise between a sigh and a groan as his eyelids flutter open. “Don’t tell me you’re going soft on me for _these_ guys.”

Emori lunges into Murphy’s bed and pins him with a hug, tangling her fingers in his greasy hair. “John,” she says relieved in between kisses.

Raven throws the door open with concern. “Emori, I heard screaming are you-“ She takes in the sight in front of her and throws a smirk at Murphy. “Once a cockroach, always a cockroach.”

“At your service,” he nods his head slightly in her direction before Raven shuts the door. That is the last thing he says before Emori captures his lips with hers over and over again.

……

Clarke laid in bed and sketched on a small corner of her notepad. She hadn’t known what she would draw, but she found her father staring back at her, a gentle smile staring back at her. Everyone had long gone to bed, but Clarke couldn’t fall asleep, deciding in favor of drawing. Her finger traced the side of his head, smudging the shading, when she heard a strangled scream come through the wall to her left.

Clarke was immediately on her feet, completely alert, alarm coursing through her. Realizing it came from the room next to her, she burst through Bellamy’s door to see him writhing in his bed, eyes screwed tight in pain. When she realized no one was in danger, her heart hurt for him.

Clarke set her hand on Bellamy’s shoulder and shook him. “Bellamy… Bellamy wake up. It’s just a nightmare. Bellamy-,” His eyes shot open with heaving breaths. Even though he was already awake, Clarke continued. “-You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Bellamy’s stiff body relaxed at the sound of her voice and let his head fall to his pillow. Clarke left her hand on his shoulder and began to rub soothing circles.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.” His voice was ragged and still wrought with sleep, while his eyes held unspoken agony.

“You didn’t,” Clarke admitted. A beat passed before she continued. “I get them, too. Do you want to talk about it?” He shook his head. Her head dipped in understanding. “Okay,” she twisted her fingers in the tips of his hair fondly and told him to get some sleep before leaning and pressing a consoling kiss to his forehead.

“You don’t have to go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Bellamy turned to face the wall to allow Clarke to make her choice, but to Clarke it was no choice at all. She would always be there for him like he was for her. They laid back to back as he scooted nearer to her, pulling the blanket up to his chin.

Clarke turned and stared at the muscles in his back, visible even through his shirt. They rippled like hills and valleys, but she knew there were scars under the shirt, as well as ones she couldn’t see. In all her issues, she never thought that Bellamy might be suffering along with her. He left Octavia behind and she could never know how he felt, yet she had still always thought about herself, and he had been there to comfort her regardless.

Reaching up to his dark hair, she carded her fingers through it before tracing down his neck to massage his exposed shoulder. His skin was hot and Clarke felt adrenaline surge down to the pit of her stomach. With a sigh, he pressed up against her front as he melted into her touch. Clarke’s hand moved further down Bellamy’s side with featherlight touches before snaking it around his waist to rest her hand over his heart, which beat fast under her touch.

“I’m glad you’re here, Clarke.”

She nuzzled her forehead between his shoulder blades and hummed. “Me, too.” Soon, his breath evened out and fanned over Clarke’s arm before she followed close behind.


	4. Chapter 4

Bellamy awoke with Clarke’s small form encased in his. Her eyelashes fluttered as she dreamed with lips parted slightly. This wasn’t the first morning Bellamy woke up with Clarke in his bed, but it was the first time he wasn’t woken up by nightmares.

She always assured him he hadn’t woken her up, but after a few nights of her waking him up with bedhead and a hoarse voice, he knew it was a lie. So when he suggested she starts sleeping in his room, Bellamy had tried to justify it as solely the most logical option, but waking up with her in his arms every morning was just an added benefit.

He was sore from hauling heavy metal parts for Raven yesterday and spent time just standing under the warm water of the shower. When he emerged from the bathroom in just his pants, towel drying his hair, Clarke was stretching. She looked Bellamy up and down and he flushed, hot under her stare. Her hair was tussled from sleep and her shirt had ridden up her torso.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

She stretched again from head to toe, humming quietly. “Morning. You didn’t have a nightmare last night.” Sitting up, she looked at him questioningly for confirmation. Bellamy crossed the room and sat next to her on the bed and smiled.

“All thanks to you. Maybe it’ll stay that way.”

“Hopefully.”

……

Today was the day. Every night, Clarke crawls into bed with Bellamy and wakes up the next morning with his hair tickling her cheek. She’s even caught him holding her tight and whispering quietly in her ear when he thinks she’s still asleep. Sometimes it’s his favorite memories of earth or why he found the Greeks and Romans so fascinating. It gave her hope that her feelings weren’t unrequited. The idea of telling him scared the hell out of her, but losing him without him ever knowing was worse.

In the morning, they had both gone their separate ways for the day. Clarke’s new job she had taken to was organizing med bay. It was low stocked on necessities like penicillin and anesthesia was nonexistent, but bandages and saline were luckily still plentiful. The shelves were jostled and everything was strewn on the floor and needed organizing. When organizing got boring, Clarke found herself reading through old medical books or notes that her mother had written, her thoughts drifting to the bunker and praying they had survived.

Bellamy would be helping Raven in the morning, then training with Echo until late afternoon. That’s when she would catch him. He would be on his way to shower and she would pull him aside and tell him. Clarke’s stomach fluttered with butterflies all morning as she tried to distract herself, but her mind kept running over what she would say and how he might react.

As time passed, Clarke eventually set down her book and made her way to the hub, willing herself to have confidence with every step. She stood a distance away and watched the two fighters parry back and forth. Bellamy held a knife in one hand and Echo held one in each of hers as they each made moves at each other.

Bellamy lunged forward as Echo effortlessly blocks it and throws a kick at his side. Temporarily clutching his ribs, Echo swipes a knife across his cheek, drawing blood and making Clarke gasp quietly. He doesn’t let it phase him as he disarms her of one of her knives, but Echo slips an ankle around his and kicks, causing him to lose his balance. He grabs one of her forearms to study himself, but knocks them both down, bringing Echo on top of him.

Clarke watches the scene, thinking they’ll stand back up and call it a day, but they don’t. Echo lays completely still and stares deep into his eyes. Clarke stands with bated breath, a feeling of dread growing in her stomach. Echo’s hands are positioned on either side of Bellamy’s head. He doesn’t move, but keeps his eyes on her face. Bringing her head down furiously, Echo closes the gap and Clarke feels bile coming up her throat as she watches an instant of Bellamy and Echo kissing before running away. Anywhere was better than there. She was going to be sick.

Hot tears begin streaming down her skin. Clarke felt as though her heart had been ripped through her chest. How could she be so naïve as to think he would feel the same. They were friends and always would be. The first door she passed was the rec room and she ducked inside. Looking for somewhere she could be as small and inconspicuous as possible, she ran further into the library to the far corner and collapsed, hugging her knees to her chest.

Down on earth, she kept herself closed off from her emotions. The one time she thought with her heart, Lexa had died. Clarke scolded herself for thinking that she couldn’t be hurt up here; that she was safe. The one person she had given the ability to hurt her had done so. But Clarke couldn’t blame him for any of it. It was her fault for not seeing it and protecting herself like she always did.

When the heartbreak had let up to an ache like a shard stuck in her heart, Clarke stood up and searched the shelves for Pride and Prejudice. Resuming her spot on the floor, she tried to read, but was distracted. Her blood felt like tar in her veins and her stomach burned as if she hadn’t eaten for days. Angrily, she threw the book at the shelves beside her and ran her hand up her face and pulled at her hair. She wanted to scream and fight and punch, but also just sit there forever and stare into nothing. Her emotions swirled in her head – all vying for dominance over the other – anger, sadness, fear, loneliness. Who was she anymore?

Clarke sat in silence until she heard the door to the rec room slide open. She wiped her tears hurriedly and grabbed the book. Flipping to a random page, Clarke pretended to look invested as Harper entered the library.

“Clarke, Raven said you have to clean the latrines. Are you in here?” Harper rounds the corner and she rushes to Clarke’s side, sitting next to her. “What happened?”

Feigning ignorance, “What do you mean? I’m just reading?” Harper’s eyes are soft as she points to the tear stains on Clarke’s shirt. “It’s nothing.”

“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. If you’re crying, it’s not nothing.”

“It really is. Everything’s fine.”

“Well, then I’ll just join you then.” Reaching for the nearest book to her side, Harper pulls out an engineering manual and pretends to read. Clarke swallows a chuckle at the girl across from her. They sat in silence as Clarke waited for Harper to leave, but when she realized she wasn’t, she took a deep breath and set the book aside.

“They kissed. Him and Echo” Harper dropped her book in surprise.

“What?” Clarke couldn’t bring herself to say it again. Once the initial shock wore off, Harper put a hand on Clarke’s knee. “This is about Bellamy, isn’t it?” Clarke nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Sympathy was one thing Clarke didn’t want. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.” She waves Harper off. “I’ll go clean the latrines.” She stands to go.

“You’re not. And it’s okay.” Harper’s voice was pleading and full of pity, which made Clarke regret ever telling her.

“I’m fine.” Her voice was terse and short, cutting off her emotions. She sent a look to tell Harper not to push any further. “This stays between us. Promise me.”

“But-“

“Please,” Clarke’s resolve crumbles a little, softening her voice. “just promise me.”

“I promise.”

Hunched over the latrines, Clarke was grateful for something to do. She pushed her emotions into the back of her mind. When she had scrubbed every inch clean, it was evening and on any other night, she would be climbing into bed with Bellamy and cuddling, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at it him yet. It would break her all over again.

Wiping her forehead of sweat, she returned to the library to see her book still laying on the floor. She picks it up and begins reading until her eyes are heavy and her back hurts from the ground, but continues until exhaustion consumes her.

……

The bed is cold when Bellamy woke up the next morning. Clarke was nowhere to be found; her side of the bed untouched. Bellamy ran a hand through his hair, remembering the nightmare of events that happened yesterday.

It started off like any other day. He held Clarke in his arms as she pressed against his chest until she woke up. They shared breakfast with Monty, Harper, and Echo before he went to help Raven move barrels of fuel Clarke had found.

He was excited to train with Echo and try a new trick Emori had taught him. That all changed when she pinned him to the ground. She stared at him with dark eyes and he was frozen. His mind began to rush through thoughts of what she was thinking and searched her face. However, it was abundantly clear when she met her lips with his. After a pause, he kissed back. The kiss was fiery and hard and kept him pinned until she sat up. His mind blanked on anything he could have said.

“I need to clean this cut,” he says in a dazed voice before standing and going to his room. Echo was attractive, he would admit. She was fiercely loyal to a fault. Bellamy felt guilt creep up his spine at enjoying the kiss and even kissing her back. Questions swirled in his head with no answers.

Bellamy doesn’t leave his room the rest of the evening, trying to get his mind straight. The only constant he was looking forward to was Clarke. He waited for her, reading his book until she’d show up. _Maybe she is helping Raven with something. Or maybe she is busy in med bay_ , he thought. But she never came that night.

They don’t talk about it the next day and he avoids Echo. He catches Clarke's fleeting glances at breakfast. Their conversations that day were short and shallow. She seemed like a different person, like an empty shell. Bellamy knew her - that she was compartmentalizing and pretending like nothing was wrong. That night and the night after that, she came to his room, but laid with her back to him and went to sleep without another word, leaving Bellamy to stare at her blonde hair and wonder where things went wrong.

……

“Hey, Clarke, how about a game of chess today?” Murphy asked over breakfast. Clarke nearly choked on her algae in surprise, or simply the flavor.

“I was actually going to see if Raven would help me with something today.”

“I’ll play you.” All heads turn to the head of the table. Echo stared as if challenging anyone to say anything. Murphy conceded to playing a game after breakfast as Raven walks in, wiping oil on a rag.

“What were you gonna ask me about, Griffin?”

“You know the movie room? I wanted to see if we could get it working again. I think a movie night might do us all good.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea!” Harper turned to Monty and grabbed his forearm excitedly. She turned to Echo and Emori to explain, “it’s like a moving picture. You’ll love them.” Clarke sees Emori send a confused look at Murphy and he chuckled quietly.

“What are you waiting for? You ready to get to work?” Clarke stands as Emori joins her.

“Can I help? I won’t know how anything works, but you can show me. I-“

“The more the merrier. Come on,” Raven says as she leads them to the movie room.

Emori turns out to be more helpful than Clarke since she knew about various parts. She soon became interested in their real use instead of just being scrap. Raven taught her how to solder and which wires to connect and where. Clarke took to rearranging the seats in the room to sit in front of the large screen, building leg rests from extra couch cushions and moving sofas in a more convenient location. This was how she would get over Bellamy. If she stayed busy, she could forget.

Eventually, Clarke was of no help to Raven and Emori and excused herself to the med bay. She shelved books and rolled bandages until a knock came against the open door. No one had ever visited her, so she was surprised. Bellamy stood in the doorway scratching his neck.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“I’m busy,” Clarke lied. “Can it wait?”

He paused before answering, “no.” Clarke stiffened at the bluntness and the conversation that was to follow.

“Okay. Have a seat.” Bellamy hopped onto the table and Clarke leaned against her mother’s desk behind her. “What is it?” She hoped she came across mildly annoyed. Maybe he wouldn’t say what she thought he would.

“Why are you acting weird?” She had no such luck it appeared. “We were great again and then… you’re pushing me away.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. You haven’t been the same. You won’t talk to me and Harper even said you slept in the library that night you didn’t come to bed! What the hell Clarke? I was looking all over for you. I was worried.”

She sighed. “There’s no need for you to be worried. It’s nothing… really.”

Digesting her words for a minute, he concluded, “so there is something.” He paused, looking her over for answers that she won’t give. “Please, Clarke, we can work this out. I just want things to be the way they were.”

Exasperated, Clarke stomped away from the desk and threw her hands up. “But they can’t!”

She could feel his eyes on her back and when she faced him, he was moving towards her and pleading, trying desperately to understand. “They can. We can fix this. Everything will go back to the way it was. It-“

“Nothing will be the same!” Clarke shouts, wincing at her own outburst. Tears began to well in her eyes that she wouldn’t let fall. Her voice was quiet when she spoke next. “You kissed her… You kissed Echo.”

Bellamy’s hand that he was reaching towards Clarke stopped mid-air and he took a step back. “How did you-?”

She ran a hand through her hair. “I was there. I saw you.”

“It’s not what it looked like.”

“Not what it looked like? I watched you! I know exactly what happened. Just date her. You kissed her back. You like her.”

“Clarke, I-“ he stopped midsentence and that was the only answer Clarke needed.

“Just date her,” she repeated quietly, the acceptance piercing her heart as she said it. Her heart was being torn apart, but if it’s what makes him happy, she wants that for Bellamy. He deserves to be happy. “She makes you happy. Be happy, Bellamy… Date Echo.” Before Clarke can hear his response, she left med bay, and with it, her heart.

......

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am one hundred percent serious and you’re coming. It’s a girls’ night. You are a girl, are you not?”

“Yes, but-“ Clarke tries to respond before Raven cuts her off.

“No buts. We all need this. It’s tomorrow in Emori’s room. We’re all going to watch a movie afterwards.” Raven leaves the room with a dejected Clarke left behind. Clarke didn’t think she’d been winning her arguments lately. Maybe it would do her good to get out of her room and socialize. However, while her friendships with the people on board had been getting better, she still felt like the piece of the puzzle that didn’t fit. If she never made it on board, nothing would have changed. Raven and Emori would still be friends, Harper would be the mother to everyone, Murphy would’ve drank the first algae, and Bellamy still would have kissed Echo. Everything felt wrong in Clarke’s life.

It had been a month since Clarke last slept in Bellamy’s bed. Subsequently, her own felt way too big. It didn’t help that she knew exactly what would be on the other side. Echo would be in her spot under his arm. Nightmares had returned to plague Clarke’s sleep, dreaming of betraying everyone she loved, or sentencing them to death in various ways, but when she woke, Bellamy was never there to whisper in her ear and stroke her hair.

They hadn’t spoken since their fight. Even with all the prayers in the universe, it didn’t stop Bellamy from getting together with Echo. They were keeping it a secret, but Clarke had seen Echo leaving his room one early morning and knew her fate was sealed. She did tell him to date her after all. At least he was happy.

Bellamy’s smiles seemed bigger than when Clarke was there for him. He laughed more often and heartily, throwing his head back and clutching his stomach at jokes. Everyone looked up to him. Echo would watch him from across the table with a look Clarke had never seen on her: love. It was fierce and passionate which matched Bellamy to a tee. Bellamy would meet her look with a smile and Clarke swore he grabbed her hand under the table sometimes.

To ignore the gnawing monster in her stomach, she wakes up early and trains to exhaustion or beats Murphy to a pulp in chess. The one day when she finally broke again was her mother’s birthday, where she sat and watched the burnt planet move turn below them. That night, a note slipped silently under her door that read _I’m sorry_ in Bellamy’s familiar handwriting and Clarke lost it all over again.

The next day in Emori’s room, Raven poured small shots of whiskey from the bottle she found on arrival. “Don’t tell the guys I’m doing this.”

They talked about mostly uneventful things, focusing primarily on the hickey’s Raven saw on Emori’s thigh. Harper blushed furiously at that. They argued which movie they might want to watch, explaining their favorites to Emori. Clarke remained silent except to give her input on Raven’s crap choice in films and sipped the whiskey, savoring the burn in her throat. It was the first thing in months she had tasted that wasn’t water or algae.

“-and then Echo said-“ Emori cut off Harper in her story.

“Wait, where is Echo?” Everyone pauses to realize no one knew, but Clarke knew. She went to go sit in front of her favorite observation window just to see them in that spot making out. _Her_ spot.

Absently, Clarke responded, “she’s with Bellamy.”

“Why is she with Bellamy?” Emori asked.

Now was as good a time as any. They were planning on telling everyone tonight anyway. “They kissed. They’re dating.” She downed the last of her whiskey in a gulp. Emori and Raven began ranting about how they knew something was up and asking Clarke for details since she was the only one who knew anything. Raven seemed much more curious than Clarke could understand why. She answered none of them in favor of changing the subject. “Harper, how’s Monty’s algae doing.”

Harper sent her a sad smile before saying, “he says it’s going to be the best one yet.” Raven groaned and the topic of Bellamy and Echo is dropped as if it never happened until later that evening.

The girls all filed into the movie theater where the men and Echo had already chosen their seats. When everyone is in, Bellamy cleared his throat and takes Echo’s hand. “I have an announcement. Echo and I are dating.”

Raven and Emori began fake aweing over the pair and Monty congratulated them. Bellamy looked to Clarke so she plastered on a smile until she returned to staring at her hands. Everyone sprawled out over the couches or on the floor with pillows and blankets as they settled in to watch a movie of a boy who is called to lead the fight against an alien race.

It was interesting, but Clarke’s mind was elsewhere as she felt eyes on her from the left side. Chancing a look, Bellamy sat on the couch with Echo under his arm. His eyes met Clarke’s and in the light she could see from the screen, she thought his eyes were hiding something – like there was something he wanted to say and it hurt him he couldn’t. In the old days, Clarke would have been able to know exactly what he was expressing, but now, it was just a look. They sat and looked at each other, oblivious to the film, until Echo snuggled deeper into Bellamy’s chest and he looked away, breaking the moment.


	5. Chapter 5

Movie nights became tradition after that first evening. Every Friday, they would all get together. In between, after the day’s work, though, it wasn’t unnatural to find at least one person in there immersed in someone else’s story.

One night, Clarke wandered the Ring when sleep wouldn’t come. She decided to find a movie to watch. It was hours past when everyone else was asleep so it surprised her to find Bellamy laying down on a couch and watching a gladiator movie. He paused it when she entered, but the silence was deafening. They hadn’t spoken in ages.

“I’m sorry. I can leave.”

Bellamy had been under a blanket, but when he sat up, Clarke found his chest to be bare. Without thinking, she scanned over the tan expanse of freckled skin. “No. Don’t.” He grabbed the remote Raven made and went to turn off his film. “We can find something else.”

“This is fine.” He turned his eyebrow up at her. “I don’t know anything about the gladiators.”

A deep chuckled met Clarke’s ears and her heart hummed in her chest. “I’m not sure a movie is the best way to learn.”

Clarke took a seat next to him, even though plenty of couches were empty. “Then you’ll just have to tell me when it’s historically inaccurate so I can learn correctly. How about that?” He doesn’t answer her, but turns the movie back on to where he left off.

Her skin felt hot in his proximity. Every time she thought about leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder, she reminded herself of Echo and her heart sank. Her breath shouldn’t have caught when he slung his arm over the back on the sofa by her head or threw a blanket from the couch next to him in her lap, but it did. They weren’t back to normal, but Clarke had accepted Echo as part of Bellamy’s life. He was happy with her, but if Bellamy could be relaxed like this around her, maybe they had a shot of finally being friends again.

……

The next Friday, Monty comes to dinner with a beaming smile and his bucket of algae.

“What’s got you so happy? Got another batch of coma inducing breakfast for me?” Murphy says.

Monty stands a little straighter at the accusation before continuing. “I think you’ll like this much more… How does some moonshine sound to everyone?”

Much to Monty’s delight, the response was excitement. Raven began dipping her glass in before anyone could get a word in. Inspecting her own glass, Clarke purses her lips at the off color. It smelled like it could burn someone’s skin off or melt through metal, but she took a gulp anyway. The acidic taste seared her throat and tasted bitter and mildly of grass, but it was a good burn, one that reminded her of the ground.

Raven tipped her glass back and slammed it on the table, laughing through the burn. “This reminds me of that first Unity Day on the ground.” Nostalgia ate at the back of everyone’s mind.

Clarke felt a pair of eyes land on her, catching Bellamy’s on her for just a moment. They both remembered that day, unspoken between them. The air became light as everyone enjoyed themselves on the moonshine, a slight buzz around them.

“I’d say Monty deserves to choose the movie tonight.” Echo patted Monty on the back heartily and finished off her third glass. Harper stood and took her by the arm, to which Echo froze with widened eyes before relaxing and let the girl take her to the movie room. Everyone followed close behind, but Clarke stayed in her chair and swirled the strange liquid in her cup. Bellamy stood like he was leaving, but stopped and leaded forward on the back of a chair, leaving just them in the room.

The hairs on the back of Clarke’s neck stood on edge, warning her not to look up at him. She knew why as soon as she met his body which stood heavy, exhaustion evident in a dark, shaded bags. A five o’clock shadow darkened his face and his eyebrows sat low above dull eyes. A lump sat in Clarke’s throat with the intense silence that threatened to swallow them both.

“Looks like we finally had that drink,” Clarke said.

“You did,” Bellamy corrected. Clarke looked at his glass and realized it hadn’t been touched. She looked up at him curiously. “The last time I drank, I didn’t care the world was ending. I tried to escape reality and nothing good came of it.”

“You can’t blame yourself for the end of the world.”

“No,” he sighed deeper against the chair and ran a hand through his hair. “But Jasper is still dead, my sister is in a bunker we don’t even know survived, and everyone else-“ His breath hitched in his throat as his knuckled tightened their grip on the chair until they were white. “-everyone else… they’re all…” He never finished his sentence, but Clarke knew what he meant and it hung in the air. _They’re all dead_.

By no means were the two back to their normal friendship, but Clarke’s heart felt pierced at his pain. Bellamy always thought he was responsible, just as she did. Regardless of where they stood, she would always be there for him. As if pulled by an invisible string, Clarke stood and gently pried his hand from the chair. He looked down at her with a quivering lip and eyes swimming with memories.

She wanted to reach her hand up and cup his cheek in her hand, to feel the scratch of the stubble under her thumb. Instead, she pressed her cheek against his chest and wrapped her arms tightly behind his back. His body was limp for a moment, seemingly jarred by Clarke’s actions. Thoughts began racing in her mind that she made a mistake. This wasn’t what he wanted. Maybe he just wanted her to listen, or maybe he didn’t even want it to be her at all he told, but she was there when he broke. As she began loosening her grip, his strong arms were thrown behind her neck and he held her.

His strong hand gripped her shoulder, fingers pressing into Clarke’s flesh, and the other held the back of her neck through her hair. The muscles in his arms were taut and quivered slightly at holding her so tight, but Clarke didn’t mind. This felt right - to be back in his arms, to help him through his demons as he did hers.

Her voice was quiet and soft, “it’s not your fault, Bellamy. You couldn’t have stopped the end of the world.” She pulled her away slightly to look him in the eye. “Just think of how many more you saved.” _No thanks to me._ Clarke was immediately bombarded with memories of that day. Bellamy and her mother were safe and that’s all that mattered. She locked him up like a dog despite the guilt in the back of her head. Her head met his warm chest again. While Clarke knew he blamed himself, she knew what was eating at him, what had caused this breakdown. “Octavia is alright. I know it.”

Bellamy pulled back and nodded, more solemn faced than anything with an indecipherable look in his eye. His hands glided down the back of Clarke’s arms as he took a step back and held her hands in his lightly, as if she was made of glass. This moment felt like there was so much unsaid. Words spun around them in a flurry, but were never mentioned.

_This_ was them as they always have been and always should be. Dancing around the problem was something neither of them did, so why now? Echo. She was the wedge between them that Clarke had put there herself. As Clarke opened her mouth to say something, anything, to break the intimate moment between them, Bellamy reached up to her face. He twisted a small piece of hair once around his finger before tucking it behind her ear.

For lack of something to say, Clarke tries to say “thanks,” but it comes out in a breathy whisper. Her skin burned where his pinky grazed her cheek and she felt flushed at the eye contact that was yet to be broken.

“We should probably go,” he said just as quietly. “Thank you, Clarke, for being there for me.”

Clarke let herself give a sad smile and squeezing the hand still in hers before dropping it, already missing its warmth. “Like we always said, we do this together.”

Bellamy grabs his moonshine glass and eyes it carefully before taking a small sip and coughing it back up. “Shit! That’s disgusting.” True laughter creeps up in Clarke’s throat as she laughs at him.

“Come on you, big baby.”

Outside the movie room, an old pop song was muffled. The door slides open to reveal big smiles as people danced without a care. It might have been the alcohol, but Clarke thought their situation might be a bigger part. They had become a family, sharing everything together, without fears and troubles of the ground. They could live instead of survive.

Monty and Harper teetered from side to side, held together by the hands as Raven was trying to get Murphy to dance. She stood in front of them and was pulling at their arms, trying to get them off the sofa. When she noticed Clarke and Bellamy, she bounced over to them.

“Finally!” Her breath smelled heavily of alcohol, but Raven’s smile and lack of inhibitions made it a sight to behold.

Clarke snickered at the situation in front of her as Raven pulled her further into the room to dance with her. Bellamy stood in the doorway and smirked at the scene. If Clarke was going to have to dance and make a fool of herself, though, she wasn’t doing it alone. She skipped towards him and grabbed his hands, shifting her shoulders to the beat.

His shoulders were stiff as he tried to fight her and keep his dignity, but the buzz from the alcohol was setting in and Clarke was high on their hug. She mouthed along to the words and pulled him into her dance. Slowly, the stern lips had grown into a beaming smile. He tried to twist themselves at the same time, failing miserably and ending in a tangle of limbs and strong laughter. Bellamy threw her out to the side before wrapping Clarke back around to in his arm and back out where she turned under his arm.

Clarke’s core hurt from laughing hard and it looked as though Bellamy’s fears from earlier were long replaced by new memories. Beads of sweat were gathering on their foreheads as everything that usually ran through Clarke’s mind were forgotten in favor of the glee of her new family. Although she often kept to herself, she had grown to truly know everyone. They weren’t just her people anymore.

With tired limbs, Clarke plopped down on her usual sofa on the opposite side as Echo, dramatically throwing her legs up as she fell. Echo looked her up and down with a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes, but was no longer filled with the disdain that used to be there. Bellamy sat down in between the two and kissed Echo’s temple and Clarke’s world came crashing down.

In the time since dinner, Clarke had forgotten Echo existed. It was just her and Bellamy and her friends. As Bellamy settled in for the film, his knee rested atop hers and shocks of electricity ran through her. Everything Clarke had pushed away came back in a rush. The dull ache of the whole situation became a fire that spread to the tips of her fingers. She couldn’t do this every day.

As much as she wanted today to be normal, being this close to Bellamy with her feelings and nothing to hide behind was her own personal torture. She needed to forget her own feelings. He was happy and that’s all that mattered.


	6. Chapter 6

Bellamy laid in bed with a giant smile creeping up his face. Ever since Clarke spent the evening with him watching the movie, they seemed to be on new terms. She had been distant, often blowing off working out with him for organizing various rooms or researching medicine. It all changed Bellamy decided. Something felt different yesterday in that hug, like she was telling him things through the way she wrapped herself in his arms.

For a time, he let himself remember the night before, dancing and feeling happier than he had since he was on the Ring, but that moment was immediately quashed when he realized what it meant.

He didn’t like Echo at first. Saving her from herself back on the ground was simply something anyone would have done it. But it didn’t mean he forgave her as if nothing had happened. Anger would bubble under his skin, but he tried to act neutral. When she asked if he wanted to train with her, it was an excuse to take his anger out on her. Much to his dismay, she picked up on his motive and they fought and yelled at each other until their bodies collapsed. As they lay on the ground, exhausted and exasperated, he had no choice but to listen to her speak. Her side of the story had never meant much to him on the ground; it put the people he loved at risk. But here she was, cast out in a place all too foreign. She was loyal to no end, but it finally occurred to her than no one was loyal to her. Where did that leave her? She was just as lost as the rest of them.

When Clarke had told him to date Echo, he saw it as a sign that he was being too forward – that he should date Echo and leave her alone. It stung, but he tried to take a note from his younger self and move on with someone else. Clarke always had a piece of his heart, whether she wanted it or not, but he grew to love Echo. That’s when the sense of dread sunk in as he realized there was nothing left to do. Even if he did love Echo, it wasn’t fair to either of them when his heart belonged to someone else.

With a deep breath, Bellamy rapped on wall of Earth Monitoring Center. Echo turned on her heels in surprise, hair whipping around to hit her in the face. A sultry smile tugged at her lips as she took Bellamy’s hands in her own. He kept his face stern, but his resolve faltered inside.

“Echo, we need to talk.” Instantly, she was all business, as if she knew what was coming. Dread soaked him from head to toe as he ran a hair through his hair. She stared at him expectantly. “I think we should break up,” he declared before bracing for the impending impact he knew was coming.

She nodded concisely, face expressionless. “Okay.”

Both relieved and confused, his arms fell slowly to his side. “Wait? You’re… okay with this?”

A wry chuckle escaped her mouth. “I knew this was coming. I’m surprised it took this long.”

“How did you,” his sentence trailed off, studying her face furiously for answers.

Echo’s face became softer, a look even Bellamy rarely saw. “Because Bellamy, you’re in love with Clarke.” She looked at him like she’d known all along. “It’s obvious.”

“I-“ he considers arguing, but looks down at his hands in acceptance. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was only a matter of time. Now, Bellamy?”

“Yes?”

A resigned look donned Echo’s face as she grabbed his arm firmly. “Go tell her.” Bellamy pulled Echo into a tight hug and whispered a thank you in her ear. As he turned to leave, Echo said, “but you have my clean up duty this week for breaking up with me.” He smiled over in shoulder, anticipation brewing in his stomach.

“Deal.”

Clarke was in the rec room when Bellamy finally found her. She was slaved over a tablet, scribbling furiously. Only with a glance did she acknowledge Bellamy’s presence. Bellamy’s heart pounded in his ears with each step. He took a seat across from her and playfully snuck her pad as she turned the page on the tablet. _Start small_ , he thought.

“So, I was wondering if you want to finally play that game of chess you promised me forever ago.”

Ripping the pad back more forcefully than necessary, she returned to her work. “I can’t. I’m busy.”

Bellamy’s heart sank. Had he read all those signs wrong? Echo had said it was obvious that he liked Clarke, but never the other way around. He had gotten it all wrong. “I’ll leave you to it then.” Dejectedly, he heads for the door, but finds himself frozen, thoughts racing. “Actually, no.” Stomping back over to the table, Bellamy defiantly slams his hand over the pad Clarke was writing on.

“Excuse me?” She stood to stare him in the face. Bellamy knew she was trying to look intimidating, but even standing tall, she only reached his chin.

“This isn’t us, Clarke!” Bellamy yells, gesturing between the two of them. The air had a dangerous tension that he knew they could both feel. “We have years up here with nothing to do and no deadlines, so don’t try and tell me you’re busy.” Losing the fire in his voice, he swallows the lump in his throat. “I know you. You hide yourself in your work to avoid whatever it is you don’t want to face. I just don’t know what happened to us. We’re better together.”

She looked taken aback at how well he knew her. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Then tell me. I can help,” he pleaded. Bellamy just wanted things to go back to the way they were, even if she didn’t feel the same about him. He needed his best friend back.

“You can’t. Not about this.”

For a brief moment, Bellamy was at a loss. He always knew what was going on in her head and she could read him like an open book. Wondering where it all went wrong, Bellamy took a shot in the dark. “It’s about Echo.” Clarke’s eyes went wide and she took a step back. With more force in his voice, but still steady, he pushes harder. “Tell me I’m right.”

Clarke whips a hand through her hair forcefully and Bellamy could see her jaw tick. “Fine! You’re right, okay? Don’t you remember how many times she has almost killed me and your sister? How many times she betrayed you? She doesn’t deserve you.” She swallows. “But then again, neither do I.” Bellamy wanted to grab her hand and assure her that she was everything he ever wanted, but she started pacing back and forth with things unsaid. “The great Wanheda and Clarke Griffin. I don’t even know which one is worse at this point, but they’re both me. I’ve done unspeakable things, Bellamy.” Silent tears swam in her ocean eyes and threatened to spill over at any moment. She stared him directly in the eye and it pierced him to his soul.

“If you didn’t like Echo, then why did you tell me to date her?”

“Because she made you happy,” she said with a sigh, “and that’s all I ever wanted for you. You deserve to be happy.” Her hand brushed Bellamy’s cheek and he leaned into its warmth.

His eyes flutter shut and he whispers, “You make me happy.” Clarke took a sharp breath. “I only ever dated her because I thought you wanted me out of your life, but I couldn’t do it.”

Clarke’s forehead meets his and she matches his voice. “I could never want you out of my life.” For a moment, Clarke’s soft breath doesn’t fan across Bellamy’s lips as she pauses. “I love you.”

Bellamy’s eyes shoot open as he stumbles back in surprise. He watches as Clarke’s face turns to one of dread as she apologizes. Without thinking, he grasps her by her waist and pulls her small body against his, smashing his lips on hers.

The scent of flowers and soap filled the room as Bellamy drank up every part of kissing her. He was sinking fast and drowning for her. Scarlet lips he dreamt of melded with his as she started to react, deftly weaving her hand in his hair. Clarke was a cool breath of air that cooled the fire within him as he swore he saw every color of the rainbow at once.

Bellamy’s hands slid up her sides, eliciting a quiet moan allowing him to take her bottom lip in his. Fingernails scratch at the nape of his neck, pulling him further down to her level. Her warm breath against his sent a shiver up his spine. For as long as the kiss lasted, everything was perfect and time was frozen in a dream.

Clarke pulled back, breaking the spell. Her chest heaved and her lips were wet and swollen. She looked up at him through her lashes, afraid to break the silence. Bellamy brought his thumb to her lips and ran it along her bottom lip in admiration. It had finally happened. He had kissed her.

“I love you, too.”

……

That night, Clarke stood outside Bellamy’s door, her feet planted to the ground. She still couldn’t believe he kissed her. He was strong and passionate, but gentle and everything she had ever dreamed of. It didn’t feel real, which is why she stood outside the door and wondered when she might wake up.

Clarke turned the handle and Bellamy stood up to look at her, his eyes lighting up. She went and hugged him around the waist, prompting a laugh she could feel rumbling against her cheek.

“What’s that for, princess,” he said while stroking her hair.

“I just wanted to make sure this was real.”

Leading her by her hand, Bellamy grabbed a book of the desk and jumped dramatically in the bed, patting the space next to him. He hid it behind his back as she tried to reach behind and grab it. He tutted at her and swatted her hand away before planting a chaste kiss right on her lips, catching her by surprise. “No peaking.”

They settle in with Bellamy leaning against the wall and Clarke cuddled up in his lap, arms wrapping his waist in a hug and nuzzling her head into his neck. She pressed kisses along his collarbone, just taking in every part of him and awing that she could kiss him now.

“I thought we might take a break from the Iliad. How does Pride and Prejudice sound?”

“Perfect.” Closing her eyes and feeling his strong body against hers, she realized she meant it in every sense. He was perfect.


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! We finally reached the end! I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you all so much for the sweet comments and kudos! They always made my day!

_2,199 days later_

In the span of orange planet and dark depths of space, there was one speck of green. It had been safe to go down to the ground for a year, but an explosion in the docking bay fried the controls. Every day, Emori and Raven would work to rebuild and repair with no luck, until two days ago when Raven plunked the whiskey bottle down firmly on the table with a, “it’s time.”

Emotions swirled in Clarke’s stomach – a mix of fear, excitement, and anticipation. For everything that had happened over the years, there was nothing that could compare to being on earth and smelling the forests and hearing the wind. A thought nudged at the back of her brain, something she had tried to avoid thinking about – what would they find in the bunker? Clarke knew Bellamy wondered the same question. What would happen next?

Her radiation suit was bulky on her body and it made a rubbery squeak when she adjusted in her seat on the bench in the Earth Monitoring Station. Six years ago, she sat here as a completely different person. Now, she had a new family with a special place in her heart.

Behind her, Clarke heard the shuffle of boxes being loaded and excited chatter. Music blared over a speaker in the hub and with a sideways glance, she saw Echo swaying to the beat as Harper sang along. Bellamy popped his head around the doorway before turning in, a smile wide on his face.

“You ready?” he asked, mild giddiness evident in his voice.

“Depends. To die? No. For a kiss?” she pulled him down to her side and melded her lips softly with his. “Always.” Clarke’s nose brushed his as she pulled back. “I’m worried about what we’ll find down there.”

He brushed her hair down with his hands. “Can’t be worse than a two headed deer or grounders. I think whatever might be down there should be worried about _you_ , Clarke Griffin. We can handle it.”

With a gloved hand, Clarke takes his in hers and returns her attention back to Eden. “What happens when we get down there anyway?”

“We start over again,” Bellamy says, adding offhandedly, “hopefully for the last time.”

Debating telling what was on her mind, Clarke swallowed. “I almost don’t want to leave. At first, everything felt wrong, like I was surrounded by ghosts, but now, it’s a bubble. We’re safe from reality. Everything seems to go right up here.” Clarke looked up at Bellamy, silently asking for him to calm her nerves.

“Nothing will change when we get to the ground.”

“But how can you be-“ Bellamy cut her off with a kiss. He pulled back and looked down at her sweetly.

“Because we won’t let it.” Standing up, he grabs her helmet and passed it to her. “Now, let’s go home.”

The rocket rattled strongly under their seats, sucking the air from their lungs as they descended down to earth. It was hot through the suits and sweat clung to Clarke’s forehead. Leaving her home of the last six years felt strange. She felt safe up there and a twinge of sadness caught in her eye when she realized what she was leaving. There was no killing or death or wars on the ring, unless you count the arguments over what movie they would watch that night.

Suddenly, the clanking and shaking stop and was replaced with a silence. Everyone looked around at each other, all afraid to make the first move. The natural leader he is, Bellamy unbuckled and began unscrewing the hatch.

“What? You’re not going to warn me the air might be toxic?” he joked at Clarke.

“I figured we’d already be dead if it were.” She saw the corners of his lips turn up at the irony of the parallel. With her comment, he swung the hatch open, bright light searing Clarke’s eyes.

As she hoisted herself out onto the soft ground, she unlatched her helmet, causing a hiss of air to be released. It was beautiful; a sea of green spanned across a valley and Clarke could hear babbling of a nearby brook. The sun warmed her skin as it stood high above them in a clear pastel sky.

Clarke turned back to the others who were all busy taking in the sights for themselves, except Bellamy who caught her gaze immediately and began walking over to her. Though he said nothing, she could tell he was elated to be back. If he was alone, she thought he might have gone running like a small child just because he could. Instead, he came to stand beside her and simply watch.

“We’re home,” he said.

“We’re home.”


End file.
